The Real Actors of Dragon Ball Z!
by RedLady
Summary: Ok. Assuming DBZ is a real show and not just a cartoon, what would the actors be like? Here is my funny take on the subject. Review please.


The Real Actors Of Dragon Ball Z!!!!  
  
Disclaimer:Characters are based on the American version of the Animated Cartoon, Dragon Ball Z. I do not own them.   
  
Summery: O.K. Assuming the show DBZ was real and not a cartoon. Here's my hilarious take on what the characters would be like. Please do not get offended. This is just another look into the show of DBZ.  
  
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I had the oportunity to visit on the set of that show Dragon Ball Z. I really liked the show. Everyone fought for good and to save the earth and other good stuff like that. Even though the fighting scenes were always a little drawn out it made you suspensful and wish you were a Dragon Ball Z warrior who knew how to do those awsome tricks and shoot balls of flame out of your hands. If only there really was an Eternal Dragon you could wish from. I had great respect for the show. Until I met the actual actors and actresses who play them. I always thought since the characters were all loyal and good hearted, the actors that played them would be too. Boy! Was I ever wrong. In fact, I don't even know where they picked these people up from! The streets maybe. Anyway this is how it happened. I was an observer in all this. My Uncle knew a friend, who had a cousin, whos girlfriend's mom's stepdad had a friend, whos sister knows the janitor of the DBZ set who cleans up after the show is over. Somehow I got a backstage pass even though I didn't have relations directly to anyone on the set. Anyway again. This is how it happened...  
  
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"And that concludes this episode of Dragon Ball Z!" the announcer said as the show ended and the cameras zoomed out of the group on the stage.  
  
Everyone immidiatley piled out onto the stage. I was excited about maybe getting to meet them and maybe get an autograph when I suddenly became shy. Probably had something to do with my Uncle telling me to stay by him in a really stern voice.   
  
I watched as people walked out the door. The actors who played Vegeta and Goku walked out with their hands in each others pockets when I heard the actresses talking about them.   
  
"It's ashame we have to pretend to be married to a couple of gay men." the one called Chi Chi said.   
  
"Aw, forget them." The actress who plays Bulma said with a New York accent. "Lets go find you know who." she said giglling along with Chi Chi.  
  
"Now I know why the show never shows anything romantic between us."  
  
"Forget about the show. Come on lets go find him." Bulma said.  
  
I wondered which "Him" they were talking about.  
I then noticed the one called Krillin who still had his make up on. Surprisingly he didn't look half as bad as on the show. He was now wearing all leather, which complimented his male figure. He started to peel the six dots off of his head. And wiped the remainding makeup of with a tissue. He tosses it on the ground and took of a wig (which he was just adopted, since last season he was bald.) and revealed a green mohawk cut close to the head.  
  
I watched him shove through the door and heard the huge puttering of a motorcycle as he drove off. I looked outside and saw him stop at the corner pick up this "girl" and then drive away. I quickly shut the door and looked around for one of the actors who might be "normal."  
  
I looked around and recognized the person who played Master Roshi. (I wondered what he was like, since in the show he is a pervert.) I walked up to him but right when I go to him he took off a mask and I realized he wasn't a "he" at all.  
  
It was an old woman wearing a mask.  
  
He, I mean she, looked down at me and said "What do you want kid!"  
  
"Your a woman!" I blurted out without thinking.  
  
"Yeah, yeah. You don't think a man could ever have this voice. Or have this body! I'm a cross dresser. Get over it." she said when she saw my face.  
  
She leaned down and whispered "It makes acting more fun, trust me."  
  
I ran away out of fear. It was a scary thing indeed.  
  
I accidently bumped into something big and soft and realized it was a guy in a green suit. Wait. It was the guy who played Piccolo in a huge, hot and heavy suit. He took of the head part and looked down at me with a goofy smile.   
  
"Sorry about that kid. Didn't mean to stand in your way."  
  
"There you are!" A flamiliar voice said behind me.  
  
It was the actress Bulma and Chi Chi with her. They both screamed gleefully and ran up to the guy Piccolo. He had one woman on each side as he looked down and winked at me. "Girls. Ladies." he said.  
  
"We were just wondering if your hosting any parties tonight." Bulma said.  
  
"And if we were invited . . ." Chi Chi added.  
  
He looked down at me and winked at me.  
  
  
"I wasn't planning any, but for you I can make an exception."  
  
"Oh!" they both screamed like N sync fans.  
  
"For a price." he added.  
  
They both shared a look and Bulma said "We know how to pay."  
  
She traced a finger along his muscular chest and I began to get uncomfortable. I turned and walked away and heard the Picolo guy say "Then we can have a party at my house just the three of us." I was too young then to understand what they were talking about, but my impression of the two woman changed after that. It was also hard to not think of Picolo in the same way again.   
  
I accidently bumped into Oolong on the way to the door. Turns out he's a midget they picked up from the circus and works part time on the show as a pig. He has another job as a mascot at a Bar-B-Que joint.  
  
I grabbed the door to walk out and right when I opened it I saw the guy who played Yamcha getting into a garbage can. I couldn't help but be curious and so I went over to him.   
  
"What are you doing?" I asked. He was now wearing torn jeans and a dirty plaid shirt.  
  
"This is my home kid!" He said in a defensive voice.  
  
"How long have you lived here?" I couldn't help but ask.  
  
"Oh, just a couple years now. But someday I'll be a famous actor. Hey! Jim Carrey lived in a trash can and look at him now."  
  
I said goodbye when I figured he wasn't really quick in the head.  
  
I walked back inside just to see a big pink balloon being rolled past me.   
  
"Ok! Place the Buu balloon right here!" A set person said. It was really strange because Buu looked real and not just like some huge pink balloon. Even though his voice sounded like it was full of helium.   
  
Suddenly a seven foot robot of cell walked out of the closet. I was scared as it started saying "I am the perfect cell! I am the perfect cell!" Over and over.  
  
"Someone turn that thing off!" Some guy said and a lot of set people came over and started beating the robot with sticks until it's voice got slower and slower and it stopped moving. Then they managed to shove it into the closet again. Don't ask me what all that was about. I never asked, but obviously in the Cell saga a robot was used for his part.  
  
  
I watched the closet when it creaked open. A little kid came out snickering. It was the kid who played kid Gohan or Goten. (They were played by the same actor.) He saw me and yelled "What are you looking at?" Then he ran away yelling "Mommy! Somebodies looking at me!" Don't ask me about that either. The kid must off been a little screwy in the head or a major brat.  
  
Then I saw the actor who played teenage Gohan walking down the hall. He seemed normal enough until I saw him downing a bottle of beer and smoking two cigars at the same time. Before now I never would have though it could be done. Behind him was the actor and kid who played kid trunks along with I guess his mother.  
  
"Time for your ballay lessons." His mom said. I avoided eye contact and walked past them all.  
  
Then all of a sudden a young guy ran past me carrying a boque of flowers. He ran up to a door and knocked on it.  
  
It was opened by the actor who played the android 18.   
  
"What do you want?" She said annoyed with a cell phone up to one ear.  
  
"Yeah it's just Steve." she said talking to the person in the phone and ignoring the guy with flowers held out to her.  
  
"You don't remember him. You know the guy who plays Trunks on the show. The older Trunks not the younger one. Anyway ever since he saw me on the cover of Playboy he's been trying to get with me, even though I'm like half his age." She said in the phone.  
  
She grabbed the flowers out of his hands. "Thanks." She said and slammed the door in his face. He turned around and looked sadly to the floor. It was hard to believe he was the actor who played Trunks because he did not have purple hair.  
  
After that I walked to the car with my uncle. We pasted the prop room where I saw that blue cat hanging from a string like a pinata. Obviously I knew she wasn't real though it contributed to my discust in the show.   
  
"So are you glad you came?" My uncle asked me.   
  
"I sort of wish I hadn't."  
  
Now I don't watch the show and it went off the air after five seasons. In the fifth season they got new actors but it never improved the ratings. I heard that the Japanese version was much better with actual Japanese people doing their own stunts with no messed up actors but I never researched it and really didn't care. Now they occasionally show reruns for the younger kids who never saw the beginning episodes. Yesterday I got a backstage to the show Sailer Moon and even though I am curious about the actresses I am not looking forward to meeting them in person . . .  
  
  
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So what do you think? I don't care if you hated it, I think it was just something different than the imaginary world of DBZ. I'd say this is a whole different look at the show Dragon Ball Z.  
  
  
If you actually like this story, or if you didn't, try my other DBZ story which takes a more sane and serious approach on Vegeta when he is old and gray. Just click on my name and read the story entitled "Vegeta's an Old Foogie!" I like this story, but not many people have reviewed it. I wrote it along time ago, too! 


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